quiting day 9

skipped a few days there... had a weekend got distracted but, still made it.
Doing pretty good, the cravings are fewer, however, when i get them they are intense! they are strangely a sense of loss more than anything else, also a sense of radical change cause of the loss- fear???

i feel like a person is dying and i feel like i might miss that person a little.
i like the new person i am turning in to soooo much better but i hate what I am having to feel to get rid of the old person. I feel like i am isolating people keeping myself from giving in...like my roommate who i think won't even talk to me cause i needed to hang out with my non smoking boyfriend this weekend for support. She is fantastically cutting down, but she used to be my back yard smoking buddy and that is one of the things i miss... so it is hard...

I saw another smoking buddy this weekend, once again i had to cut the visit short even though she was nice enuf to not smoke around me, I knew that with enuf time the little demon would convince me to take a smoke. So i had to scram...

Let me set it straight though, I say I miss the old me ~ and it's weird finding out who the new me is ~ I like feeling full of air and oxygen (it's good for lots of things hehe) i like being able to hang out with people and not be the smoking one, i freaking love the i am finally in control (oh and i LOVE getting Momo and Mugsie on the walking circuit with me.

Smoking is very hard for me, I am not one to just cut down or have one here and there... for me the addiction is full fledged... if I have a pack I am smoking it and heck maybe more... I don't have the luxury or cutting down or smoking only at parties or bumming from a friend... I am an all or nothing kinda girl.

Sorry this was a long one but it has been a few days and I did need to get it off my back that this task i have made for myself is hard!!! But I am a fantastic person for doing this and I didn't have a lot of friends before this cause I smoked, so who cares if I have any after cause I don't... THIS IS FOR ME!!!!!